


Progression

by Szczuropies



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angels, Character Study, Family, Gen, I really hate tags, maybe ???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:42:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23560990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Szczuropies/pseuds/Szczuropies
Summary: How Balthazar came to the conclusion "Bye Heaven! I'm going to do what I want!"
Relationships: Balthazar & Castiel (Supernatural)
Kudos: 2





	Progression

**Author's Note:**

> We are stuck at homes so what's better than writing about dead character? Nothing guys. Nothing!  
> Btw it's my first work in english so sorry for any mistakes.

He liked listening to people’s prayers. Akobel kept schodling him about that but he couldn’t stop himself. Of course no one prayed directly for him but everything still went to the radio. He didn’t know if God cared - Jesus certainly was flattered by attention - but people were persistent.

“Please help me! I can’t do this anymore”

“Bring him back!”

“I’m begging you! We need rain! Crops are dying, people are hungry, they are counting on me! I can’t I…”

They were so pathetic but still interesting. Small weak creatures that were so loved by God that he casted down his favorite son for them. Balthazar listened to them for so long and still couldn’t see any reason to love them. He liked them, their pathetic fights and prayers but did not love. He understood this feeling of course. He had brothers and sisters and father but as time went it was harder and harder to care. Not about Castiel because Cas was always his best friend and little brother.

They were together in this mess since the beginning. He didn’t know how the fate worked but it brought them two together and joined with Eleleth. She was created not long before them but she remembered Lucifer’s fell which was only a glimpse in memory for him.

She was carrying, Cas serious and Balthazar funny but they knew each other and fought side by side against all demons of hell for entairly life. Rest of their garrison changed over the millennials but somehow they stick together. Castiel said it was God’s will but Balthazar started to doubt if God had any will at all. Eleleth said nothing but he knew, she had her doubts too.

‘If he loves them…”

“He does” Cas interrupted him but Balthazar ignored him.

“... why he never answers? They talk to him all the time!”

“You can’t give your children everything they want. That’s not the way”. She loved saying it. ‘That’s not the way’ or occasionally ‘That’s the way’. Balthazar was annoyed by that phrase but said nothing.

“Well you ought to give them something. They keep whining.”

“You can stop listening” Cas suggested.

“Nah, I need some fun in my life”

It was nice, sometimes he looked at this times with nostalgy he would never admit. The quieter times when they just sat together in no men’s land between battles and quests. Talking about unimportant events and speculating about what their brothers are up to. He never turned off angel radio but learned how to ignore it when he wasn’t interest in human problems. Centuries later he pitched an idea of reality show to one of the Americans. From experience knew that watching other struggle can be entertaining.

Everything started to crumble during XIX century. He hated XIX century, probably the worst in human history.

They had to find a fugitive, a serap named Haniel. No one could contact him for over a year. Firstly higher ups thought he was killed but than people in far east of Russia were reportedly too happy and healthy.

It was the first time he had to find himself a body for a longer period of time. The vessel was annoying. Eleleth needed few hours, Cas one day of talking and his human wouldn’t stop fighting and thinking and doubting. Of course he got the worst one, of course. The man, Balthazar didn’t bother to learn his name was blonde and french.

“I don’t understand” he repeated again and again. At the beginning man ignored new voice in his head, than was worried and finally believed.

“You don’t need to. I need your body that’s all”

“But I’m only a sailor. Why would you choose me?”

“I didn’t choose you. It was designed in the clouds.”

“Balthazar are you ready?” He heard Eleleth soft voice in his head. Those who didn’t know her might have and impression that she was always nice. That was a mistake that even angels made, she could be terrifying if she tired.

“Not yet”

“Could you hurry up a little?”

“Listen” He stopped paying attention to her. “I just need you to say yes.”

“I can’t simply agree! I don’t know anything!”

“You prayed for help. I am your help. Could you stop being ungrateful? I’ve got my orders and you are making everything more difficult.”

“Will it... hurt?” He finally started to break and Balthazar had to take his chances.

“No” Lying was easy even for the first time. Eleleth heard that but said nothing. When he finally got human eyes she looked at him a little too long but was still silent.

They fucked up. Their task was to take Haniel back to Heaven but it somehow turn into a fight. He was more powerful than any of them and desperate to stay on earth. It was Castiel who finally got a chance to end his life but Heaven wasn’t exactly pleased with the outcome. Eleleth was held responsible for this catastrophe as she was the leader of the operation. She was transferred to another garrison and the trio was no more but Balthazar tried to stay in touch.

“Where is Castiel?” She asked only slightly disappointed that he came alone.

“Another day, another chance for Cassie to serve Father’s will” He said not even trying to hide mockery in his voice. “He is now even less fun than before.”

“Killing your brother is always hard.”

“I think humans would disagree. They slaughter one another like it is nothing.”

“We are not humans”

“Thank Father that would be exhausting.” She also change and became more and more blank every time he saw her.

“How is he?”

“I’m looking after him.”

“I know” She even smiled. “That’s the way”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m the best brother that was created. What about you?”

“I’ve heard that they are thinking about bringing parents.”

“Wait, the parents?” It wasn’t right, that’s too soon, world was still young.

“No, parents of the parents. They are already bringing the best blood to the mix. We still have a few decades but the plans are slowly coming to life.”

The end wasn’’t here but was getting near.

Balthazar stayed long after she left, wandering around the heaven of some kid. He listened to people below their prayers and begins. This stupid creatures had no idea what’s going to happened in a hundred, maybe a little more, years. They will die in some apocalyptic catastrophe. Their children will die. He will not. He will be there and fight in the last battle. He really didn’t want this world to end but it’s not like he had any saying in this. He could only sit and listen to all this crying.

_You don’t even know stupid creatures. You don’t even know._

He still loved Castiel but things began to shift. Cas was climbing on the hierarchy ladder and Balthazar… Balthazar stayed Balthazar. He didn’t care enough to even try fighting for any kind of leadership.

“You would be a good commander.” Castiel said one time when he actually paid attention to something different than Father's Will and The Orders.

“It’s not really my thing”

“Could be.” Sometimes he still saw this innocence in this eyes. Cas got this dream where he is commanding the legions of heaven against evil alongside his friend. Balthazar thought him naive for that.

“I prefer being angel of masses.” Cas pursed his eyebrows.

“You didn’t help anybody.”

“I did.”

“No, you create chaos wherever you go.”

“You don’t understand fun” Cas sighed.

“I’ve talked with some of the high-tier. I was informed that we did a good job over last century. It means that we can count on being transferred to another, even more on-earth, division. We can go and serve under Anna.” He was beaming with joy he tried to hide. “I prayed for this to Father.” He added sheepishly.

“Shouldn’t you be above begging dad to care?”

“I wasn’t begging. I was asking.”

“The same thing”

“No it’s not.” He heard first strings of irritation in Castiel’s voice.

“Your favorite humans pray.”

“They are pathetic toys, Cas. Funny but we can’t take them as an  
example…”

“Should I remind you that we are the same age? Please don’t treat me like a lesser individual just because you choose to have more… abundant life.”

“I wouldn’t dare.” Cas didn’t detect sarcasm in his voice. “I’m happy” he add more sincerely. “At least two of us stays together. Have you speak to Eleleth recently?”

“No… haven’t got a chance.”

It was a stupid thing that he felt but still he couldn’t stop wishing that the old times would come back. Three of them: his jokes, Castiel obliviousness and Eleleth caring touch. He envied past Balthazar for having that peace and no Apocalypse coming. It was still decades ahead but what were decades for an angel? Cas was still a friend but he was getting less and less… no, he wouldn’t use the world human, but maybe true to himself. Always so stupidly believing in God’s will but different from other brothers and sisters. He was good. He was stupid but good and hopeful even in his seriousness. Balthazar missed that. The bright side of all this things.

He tried talking to Eleleth but couldn't find time. While in Anna’s garrison he was busy observing earth and fighting every demon stupid enough to mess Heaven’s direct interests. It should be an honor but he became more and more tired. He listened even more carefully to all humans worries they were sending to his absent father and sometimes wanted to scream. Why are you asking him for help?! He doesn’t care! He never cared! Not for me, not for my brothers and sisters and definitely not for your stupid lives! He never did of course. Just… keep going. Never beg, never whine, listen to Anna, speak with Cas, only sometimes look for comfort from Eleleth in this precious moment when they spoke.

“You can ask to be transfered”

“And leave Cassie to get even more insane? You kidding?” He joked but hoped a little that she will say that she’s not and he shouldn’t worry about him. They were all thousands years old for father’s sake.

“You right” she said instead. “You two should stick together as I’m not able to be with you. That’s the way” she said and this was the only time when he wanted to punch her.

“No it’s not. I’m not his nanny.”

“But do you really want to leave him?” Of course he didn’t but as the time went by he spent more time listening to human than not. There was some joy in their suffering. But then Anna happened. He saw her fall from the grace and couldn’t understand. How anybody could choose them? Their sad, miserable lives that started looking for purpose and ended without it. They were weak and poor and lacking any qualities that could make the angel happy. Or just anybody. They didn’t know how to make themselves happy. How this was what Anna wanted? He asked Castiel jokingly about it but got no answer. Cas was one of the big guys now. He was to busy for carrying.

Stupid, stupid soldier.

The word was slowly coming to its demised as the Winchester boys were growing up. Some angeles observed them but Balthazar couldn’t look. They were the sign of destruction to come. He didn’t want Apocalypse because that meant end of the world he knew. He would say it was a scary conspect but angels do not get scared. They are a little disturbed at most.

He spent even less time at his actual duties but when Cas asked for help, how could he say no? The righteous man must be saved. Cas was the one to do it but he needed some protection at the entrance.

“I want there with me only the most trusted brothers.” He said.

The demons were charging and for a moment he was alone with no angel on sight. He let to be brought deeper into the pit and his mind was working like a crazy machine. There was an idea and a feeling. Stupid decision really, he knew that even while he was letting demons scratch their paws over his grace but didn’t stop them. They weren't much harm to him anyway. He waited till he saw Castiel’s blaze coming towards the sky and heard his voice saying “Retreat!”.

When they came back to Heaven he stayed on Earth but didn’t turn off the radio. He heard Cas’ triumphantly saying “Dean Winchester has been saved”. He was truly happy but didn’t come home yet. He was so tired with everything, with worries and orders. Repeated to himself again and again that it’s only a little break. He deserved it after centuries of constant fight. So he hovered around earth doing nothing. Once even heard Cas greaving voice and that was the moment when he almost broke down but ultimatly decided to wait a little longer. He stayed under the radar for some time watching the Apocalypse getting closer. He popped up in corners of Heaven once or twice just to see how the things are going.

That was too easy to be truth. Balthazar was still powerful and people were so weak and so stupid especially in troubled times. A move of a head or even a blink and he could make them do whatever he wanted. Looking closely at them he didn’t understand how they survived for so long. A bunch of mindless cows.

He sat in american bar looking for an amount of alcohol that will work on him when he heard a voice behind him.

“You should find a better disguise” The face was unknown but they didn’t look at their faces.

“The old one looked better, what happened with her?”

“I let her go.” - Eleleth sit down next to him. “The damages were too big it was easier to let her die and find another. Why are you hiding?”

“So I won’t be found.” He drank his drink and waved at the barman. Not enough yet.

“We thought you are dead. _Castiel_ thinks you are dead. He mourned you, Balthazar, we all did.” He felt a little bit sorry.

“I will be back don’t worry. Just having a blast before the end of the world. You can’t really blame me for this Eleleth.”

“I can and I will! Every angel is needed now, we can’t overpowered the forces of hell…”

“I‘m not completely cut off”. He heard only parts but knew about Anna. Poor but so idiotic Anna. Getting involved in conflict that she managed to escape. He sometimes wonder if angels would see them as similar. She gave up her true identity, he change the scenery.

“So you know rumors about Cas?” He finally looked at her.

“What rumors?”

“He got too involved with Michael’s Sword. Uriel is going to replace him. They say caught up some feeling for Winchester.”

“Cas? Feelings?” That didn’t sound like him.

“He just lost his best friend. You can’t blame him for falling out of shape” Guilt struck him but he was too stubborn to admit that. “I don’t think he will fall but…”

“He won’t. Not for a human, bless dad, his not that stupid.” She didn’t look convinced. Even if her vessel was new, young and shining he saw the tiredness in her eyes. “Why didn’t you look over him?”

“It was’t my job for some time. You were his protector and he was yours. Now he is there alone and dealing with the hardest job he probably had with nobody to catch him if he’s falling. He won’t even let me get closer to him.”

“Are you going to drag me back to heaven?”

“No.” He looked at her surprised. “I’m going back and I will say that there was nothing interesting.” She stood up and put her hand on his shoulder. “Please don’t do anything more irresponsible than usual.” She smiled sadly and disappear in one flutter of wings.

Balthazar started spending more time around churches. Not only father’s one but it really doesn’t matter. He tried to understand why they look for answer in God. How could he say anything helpful? Immortal being older than earth and life wouldn’t comprehend their little heartbreaks and hesitations. He should come back home and he knew that. Cas would be angry but he was a forgiving creature. He didn’t speak much in the radio so it was a surprise when Balthazar heard his voice, sad and calm.

“Our sister Eleleth was killed.”

It should be a joke, it must be a joke but couldn’t. Castiel wouldn’t joke about it but angels are hard to kill and she was one of the greatest one of them all. She wasn’t she… she couldn’t she just… just…

“Son? Are you all right?” He looked up and an old man stand next to him. “You looked distressed.”

“How do you care?” He felt that this weak, human legs won’t hold his weight.

“That’s my job.” The man smiled and sat next to him. “You can tell me son, what’s bothering you.”

“You can’t help me.” When did his voice became so weak? “You have no power over anything.”

“Well.” He was still smiling. What he found so worth of smile? “He can”. Man looked up and that was enough. He didn’t need to hear about father now.

Damn world and damn Eleleth for leaving him here. She wasn’t dead. She wasn’t, he won’t let that thought into his mind. He needed her, Cas needed her, she couldn’t just stop being. They existed for millennials, they weren’t human, death shouldn’t be part of their lives.

He couldn’t find a place for himself. The earth was too small so he went to heaven. All forces fight with demons over the seals and only human souls were there. It was almost comforting to walk around home. And she wasn’t there. She couldn’t be of course but… He wouldn’t broke down, he was Balthazar for father’s sake.

It was stupid to go to the arsenal but he was sad and uncertain of everything. He took a few things that probably weren’t in use for thousands of years so they won't notice the disappearance. It was so easy that he was tempt to grab more. Maybe not yet.  
He should talk with Castiel but not there. Finding Winchesters wasn’t that hard and Cas was going to show up there, sooner or later. He had the chance to observe the man and couldn’t find the apeel.

Angels could find they vessels quickly because of color of the souls.  
Human eyes weren't strong enough. They wouldn’t notice the variety of colors hidden behind blues and whites. The right vessel and the grace looked like brothers in the crowd of strangers.

Castiel had the dark colors in him with a little bit of navy. Novak’s soul, was the closest they could get to perfect Cas' vessel. Eleleth was beige and white, Balthazar had gold in it but the archangels were special. The souls compatible to them were shinier, like little stars.

Even people who were able to hold an archengel for a moment were shinier than the rest. Lucifer’s was terrifying for every angel who had any memories of his fall.

Sam Winchester’s soul was like a sun, bright and almost white. Dean’s was familiar, few saw Michael in person but everybody had at least the glimpse of the leader. Dean emanated strong blues and greys like stormy sky. Sure it was interesting but why one would fall for this self-loathing human?

He saw Cas talking with his stupid, favorite man and felt a little stab in his chest. Hello little brother, he wanted to say but that wasn’t the right moment. He hoped that Cas would be left alone for a second but that obviouslt didn’t happened. He stalked Winchesters once or twice because it was easier than stalking Castiel. Cas would show up there anyway.

He should come out from his hiding sooner but didn’t and now waited for the right moment. Right excuse would find itself.  
The problem was that one day he couldn’t find them. At first he thought that was a mistake but then again he couldn’t find them. It was a blessing to hear that he wasn’t the only one. Winchesters were gone and Castiel with them.

It just wasn’t right. If Cas has his purpose he would fight for it till the end. He wouldn’t leave for some people who didn’t play by the rules. There was angels who might betray heaven for people but not him. He was normal and loyal, not so emotional idiot. Another thing that made no sense.

That's the moment when he would in contact with Eleleth and complain. She would look beyond the fake confidence and give him an answer. But she wasn’t here and Castiel wasn’t here and angels for sure wouldn’t want him back now.

Prayers were still stupid and useless but he heard them in his head. The world was ending and people realized the catastrophe is coming but not what kind of it.

One day all angels were called to the border of heaven. The battle. So Sam Winchester finally fell. Balthazar was ready. End of the world and he was sitting in Rome, the best of the cities, on the balcony. His body stiff and waiting for any kind of information. Than finally…

“We lost Michael.”

No…

“He fell into the cage with Lucifer”

It was another thing not right but about that he didn’t care. The world wasn’t ending. The life went as normal. It was wrong. The point of existence wasn’t there. Winchesters destroyed it.

“What the hell?” He muttered. “Where are the rules of your world? How the world after not-pocalypse should look like, you wrote it somewhere? Or made Metatron did it for you? Father, it’s a shitty situation, they don’t know what to do. Me too if you wanna know. That’s the moment you could step up. I…” he laughed when realizing what was he doing. “Speaking to God, ha? As if you care enough to hear.”

That was the world with no rules now. World where humans won against archangels and angel choose them over his brothers. No rules so no fear of breaking them. This whole time he waited for the trumpet. The life on earth was interesting but it supposed to be short. There was no reason for getting comfortable but now...

Balthazar looked down at people on the streets. So many problems they wanted to have fixed.

“Father who is in heaven, please, my son. He’s sick. Doctors say there is no way his getting better but I can’t…”

“Hi” Women jumped from her knees, hearing the voice behind here. “So, my name is Balthazar and you need a healer, yes?”

“My-my son…”

“Yes, yes I’ve heard. You need someone to heal him, correct?” Woman shaked her head. “Great, so let’s talk about the price.”

If there were no rules who would stop angel from doing a little demonic work on side?

**Author's Note:**

> Stay at home if you can. Be safe people.


End file.
